you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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