best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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