I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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