I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
