Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
