I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
