I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
