so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
