and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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