I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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