My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
