I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
