i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
