I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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