Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
