My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
