I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
