Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Randomize
