She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
