i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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