We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
