Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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