Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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