She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
