Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
