guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
