somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
