when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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