You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
