I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
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Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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