I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize