Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
whose parrot is this?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize