Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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