i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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