that's an acceptable place to lick
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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