I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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