Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
