apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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