Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
