He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
