Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
