I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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