I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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