I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
