Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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