I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize