you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
