I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
