the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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