I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it's like iHOP with fire
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
