in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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