Just fell off a train. Bad.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize