Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
