She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
