Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
