Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
