you traded sex for a burrito?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize